You Can't Break What's Not Real.

The room starts spinning, as I clench my fists. I try not tremble, as I bite my tongue. Because blood in my mouth is better than tears on the ground. And after I over analyze everything you've ever said, every look you've ever given me; I'll miss you even more. Press yourself against me, I want to feel your cold heart beating against mine. I spend my nights dreaming of how you will ruin me next. "Because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places." And It hurts to feel us drifting apart, I'm afraid that you'll forget me. You made me vulnerable, and I'm scared. There's a switch that gets turned on, and it all stops making sense. I wish things would make sense. I feel everything and nothing all at the same time. "With every goodbye, you learn." Well I've been through many years of school so far, and I have not learned more in those years than I did that night you said goodbye forever. I've learned that the things you once loved could be the things you now hate, that the words "I'm sorry" isn't always going to be enough, and sometimes the one person who wasn't ever supposed to leave, might just surprise you one day and not come back. It wasn't supposed to be like this. And I know the timing sucked, but I'm sorry I can't plan when I'm going to fall in love. Could you hear my side of the story and still look me in the eyes and tell me I'm crazy for thinking that you cared? With your head held high, keep pretending that you're okay without me. I can't stop saying I'm sorry for what happened, even though I know it's not going to change anything. My heart converses with my head and they're arguing over you. I swim through time, and I'd give anything to reach the shore. To make the hurt stop. And just because it hurts, doesn't mean that it was necessarily love. Even to this day I still don't think you love her. You can kiss her a million more times even though you're thinking of me, I don't mind. So you say you can't break love? That's ironic, because you also can't break what's not real. -written by me.

I Don't Think I'm Ever Coming Back.

And it's funny because I need you now more than ever, and you don't even care. It's funny that I need anyone right now more than ever and everyone has other things to worry about. And I realize now that you should not put all your faith and trust in one person because they are sure to let you down. I've learned that happy endings don't come to everyone, even the ones who need it the most. But a good friend told me that if it's not okay, than it's not the end. Then I guess it's not the end for me because things are anything but okay. I wish things were okay. I wish things weren't as they turned out to be. And I wish you still cared. But I've wished for a lot of things in my life that never came true. And the word "us" no longer exist, but then again the word "us" was never really in the picture to begin with. And if I said that it cracks me up that you say every line you've ever fed me was a lie, I'd be lying just as plainly as you were. Because the truth is, you really hurt me. And the horrible part is that you don't even care. I'm dead to you, and you claim that everything you've ever felt for me is gone. It's cold at night without the warmth of your words to put me to sleep. I lay awake thinking of you with her... She's cooler than me because she drives, She's skinner than me because she runs, and she's blonde but you're convinced she has a brain. She shows up one day when you're home alone. You haven't had sex in months and you've been fighting a lot lately. She leads you to your room and shuts the door behind you. She kisses you passionately and you love it. She glides out of her little black dress as you take off the white polo shirt I bought you and they both hit the ground without a second though. She unbuttons your light blue jeans, and they fall on top of her dress and your shirt. All clothes are off now as you fuck the girl you claim to love. Your parents shouldn't be home for another hour so you get to make up for lost time. And if you told anyone your relationship was healthy, it would be a lie because the only time you're not fighting is when you're having sex. And after all we've been through I still can't say that I got the boy in the end. I can't eat, I can't sleep. And I'm still the last thing to cross your mind when you get up every morning, If I'm lucky enough to cross your mind at all. So if this is goodbye forever I wanted to wish you happiness with her, because I do still love you with every bone in my body. And when it comes down to it the most important thing to me is that you are happy. And I still believe you're wrong for each other and I hope you find that out the hard way. But for now I'll sit here and pretend like I wouldn't rather be in your arms than here writing this. I'll pretend like I don't miss you even though I do. And I'll pretend like I never fell for you in the first place, even if I hit rock bottom and I don't think I'm ever coming back. -written by me.

If You're Happy or Not.

And after spilling her heart out all he could say was that he didn't want to talk about it. she figured it was because he knew the truth was too hard for her to hear, and that she'd do something he'd regret if he told her what the truth actually was. And that's right because she asked and her heart wished on the answer that should have been said but her head knew the answer that was to come. And she was abruptly overwhelmed by a feeling that she was more than used to feeling by now, but it was a little different this time, because she really did love him. And all he said was that nothing anyone could say would change it. She thinks about hurting herself. It would be better than her heart getting hurt and then maybe he would see. Lifting up her arm to show him several scars that scream of self inflicted wounds. But he also said that nothing can break love. And it's true, nothing can. because even though he broke my heart with his hurtful words, i still love him. But for someone who wants to be a writer, I can't put into words what I feel or why I feel it. And it's funny because I never can, and I'm still not looking for another carreer. I think it's because since no one ever loved me. The only thing that ever made sence to me was the things I read. The quotes. The song lyrics. And I guess, my mind set is that if there are people in this world who helped me get through my hard times with what they wrote, maybe I can help people too. I want to be the song someone listens to and feels. I want to be the quote someone is moved by. I want to be the book someone opens and learns from. Maybe they'll learn from the countless mistakes I have made. And yeah, I still want him. And yeah I'll probably wait. But I still wish things would have turned out differently. Or better yet, I wish I've never seen movies like Cinderella or Snow White. What is a happily ever after anyway? My stories would never have an abnormally happy endings like all those fairytales did becuase even if you do get your happy ending it's never as obnoxiously happy as it was in those fairytales we so adored as children. And I don't know where I'm going with this. But she is heartbroken and she's not just gonna let this go. And she's sorry that she's not good enough but she's not sorry that she isn't going to change for anything or anyone. So there you go, not all stories have happy endings. Not everything's going to be butterflies and rainbows. And not everyone is going care if you're happy or not. -written by me

You Can't Lose What You Never Had.

No ending is okay, because it shouldn't be an ending at all. Press yourself into me, I want to feel your breathing. And my clothes, they smell like you and I can't sleep. Sing to me lies, because you're the one who's changed. Let me linger on every word that you've ever fed me. And it's hard to smile when I see you, because I miss the sound of your voice. And it's hard to watch you love every other girl but me. Did she taste good? was she gentle or do you like it rough? And as I watch you turn into the person you promised you'd never be. I'll just sit here and pretend not to care. And it's okay because I figured I would never be good enough for you. My heart converses with my head, but they can't agree on anything. "we accept the love we think we deserve." And I haven't accepted anything because I still feel like I'm worthless. I can't breathe when you're touching me and I suffocate when you're away from me. And my lips, they tremble as I cry, begging for you to stay. Lost words of love and lust creep into the darkness. Because you left me for her and that's what's on my mind. And I hope you find what you're missing... Even if what you're missing is right in front of you. Do you tell me you love me because you know I'll do something you'll regret if you don't? It's a cold, hard road when you wake up, and I don't think that I have the strength to let you go. I promised you I'd wait, and I don't make promises that I can't keep. Even though it hurts to think about you now. Listen to me talk like you were ever even close to being mine. As whispers are exchanged in the silence; "I can't let you go, I can't let you go." And breathing around you is getting harder. I try hard not to shake as I bite my tongue; because blood in my mouth is better than tears on the ground. I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say that there was no one else you could ever be with, and that you'd rather be alone than be without me. but you didn't. you wanted her. and I want left to lose you. but you can't lose what you never had to begin with. -written by me.

I promise.

And there's more between us than an
"I love you" when we hang up the phone,
There's more between us than
a casual hug in the hallway.
There's meaning behind the "I love you's",
there is passion behind every hug.
And when you kissed me for the first time it felt so right.
I'm sorry I didn't realise this early,
but I think I'm falling for you, hard and fast.
When you touch me, my heart skips a beat.
when you kiss me, I go crazy.
You kissed my back when you were passing behind me
when I was on the diving board.
You did it so no one else would notice,
but I did, and I got butterflies.
You kiss my forehead and all I can do is smile.
It's amazing how you know I love it,
when guys hold my face when they kiss me.
I didn't even have to tell you, and you did it.
When you wink at me my stomach does a flip
and my heart beats faster.
I swear I'm not trying to pressure you into anything,
I just want you to know how much I love you.
You were the one that was always
there for me when I had a problem.
No matter what I could always call you
and ask for your advice.
You were the one who was there for every other boyfriend,
and now I want YOU to BE the boyfriend.
I want you to know that I would never hurt you.
I would try my best to be the best girlfriend I could be.
I would treat you like the king you deserve to be treated as.
"& when the rest of the world walks out,
I'll still be here. I promise."
-written by me.

I Want to Hear A Poem

I want to hear a poem.
I want to hear a poem about something real.
About something that will make someone who can't take it deal.
I want to hear a poem that makes people listen and make sense,
Of this world that is full of nothing more than incompetence.
About something more than just what you see.
About someone who says "I can be more than you will ever be"
About rape, about drugs, about the lack of love in the world,
About the hateful words of a former lover unfurled,
About the things that we said which should have been kept to ourselves,
About the unread books that sit on my shelves.
I want to hear a poem that is music to my ears and my mouth,
One that dances on my lips, my tongue and makes my heart go south.
Give me something to cry about, something to laugh about, something to feel about,
A poem about a feeling that everyone feels, the feeling of doubt.
But don't let me doubt your feelings, if you feel them let them be heard.
By your sister, by your brother, by your neighbor let them feel it.
Let them see what it is like to be you, let them see what is like to hurt.
let them bleed and be buried in the dirt.
the dirt that you have been dealing with all of your life.
Because these high school poets they bore me with their strife,
the teachers like those cliche lines, but they never see the real signs.
about how Maria's boyfriend cheated on her with some other girl,
Maria goes to English class, writes about it and gets an A.
The girl he cheated on Maria with, her name was Sophia.
Maria and her friends they hunted Sophia down
in an alley after school and they knifed her to death.
And Maria asked how her boyfriend tasted
as Sophia took her last breath.
But the teacher gave Sophia a B.
Even though Sophia wrote about how Maria was so angry.
Because the truth was Maria's boyfriend raped Sophia.
And no one will know that now because Sophia is dead,
Sophia was lost and afraid for her life,
and she did tell someone.
She told that teacher who gave her a B.
She used different rhyme schemes and her similes were all wrong,
But all Sophia was trying to do was sing her song.
She was telling in her own way what she knew was going to happen,
Without completely telling,
because she was too afraid to stand up and be heard.
Give them something that lets them listen,
and if they won't listen make them.
I want to hear a poem about something as deep as the ocean.
I want to hear a poem about every emotion...
that you're feeling when you're writing, stand up and be heard.
let your audience hang on every spoken word.
I want to her a poem about something deep,
About something strong.
I want to hear your feelings,
I want to hear a poem.
-written by me.

Doubted Truth

And as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, She looks up to the sky and screams "you said you'd always be there for me" looks around and feels the loneliness. A million bitter questions racing through her head. And the sharp hint of new tears roll down her rosie cheeks. And you run faster than your feet could ever carry you. She stops, out of breathe from running and crying; drops to the floor and sobs. And the broken people around the world sob with her, they bleed in harmony with the pain of suffering. Selfish selflessness digs deeper into the lives of anyone who has ever felt anything. She looks up again and screams even louder "It's not my fault I'm such an awful mess and more" You wanna know what happiness is? it's waking up to the sun coming through your window and onto your skin. As you shift under the blankets, you feel the warmth of the person you love laying next to you. And you realize that that's all you need in life is love. And everyone heard, but they weren't really listening. Feelings of remorse clash on both sides of the universe as clumsy words and simple melodies echo throughout the world. You wanna know what happiness is? happiness is knowing that you are loved, knowing that you are wanted. Cries are made but no one hears them. And when the world finally stops to listen no one is heard. And we pray prayers of rescue, but we feel like God is ignoring the lonely, that He has better things to do than listen to us sob. But the sobbing continues. And the ringing in your ears is over powered by your cries. You hear nothing but the ringing and you wish that it would stop. And all these hearts will never mend once they have been so broken. But the truth is doubted because this world is sugar coated with an endless supply of lies. -written by me

Harsh Reality

And as I start to scream, the world starts to cry the tears that should have been wept long ago. And we love harder than anyone ever could, but that would never be enough. And there is strength in the hope that is longed for of the hearts of all these broken people. Sometimes all you’ve got could never be enough for the person who needs it the most. And in the roar of the quietest people comes the hope of a million more days to come. The hate of an utterly horrible world comes out and stares you in the eyes. We look to the sky and hope that the beauty that is around us could be seen by all the world. But the sophistication of the rich is over powered by the loneliness of the poor and the feeling is in the absence of heart. And the love that comes from within is stabbed by a thousand bleeding knives. Open wounds long for the caring of someone’s gentile touch. And you look around but no one is there. Memories of a hurtful past haunt you as you long for much needed sleep. Years go by in a matter of days, but I don’t want to listen anymore. And you spend those days counting the hours that you're awake, and when the night covers the sky you find yourself wishing you were anywhere but where you are. It's a burden, you've been bearing in spite of all your prayers, as a light turns off inside your heart, you start to lose the hope you’ve been storing up for months. Sweet nothings echo in the darkness of your heart. Can you remember what it's like to feel? Search for me in blankets of loneliness, smothered in this lost cause, but we continue to search for answers. Another awkward silence, hanging on to something that isn’t there. You can go out of your mind trying to escape. And there is an indifferent attitude towards the suffering of others. There is a distance between you and the world that no one can fill. And the shatter of defenseless paper hearts is all that is heard now. Draped in red, I guess this is closure. And as for this face, it is best to be forgotten. Now, I saw the moon divorce the sky that night. This remedy is worse than the disease and it is slowly killing us all. We’d like to say everything is okay, but that would be far from the truth. And as we loved harder than anyone ever could the world ran out of tears as I started to lose my voice. Love is a simple four letter word with a much more complicated meaning. And our eyes start to close, because we’ve finally had enough of the bitterness that is brought to us by the suffering pain of reality. -written by me.