Being alone really does feel as awful as it sounds.

As I sit alone, waiting for the train,
I’ve had so many words and no courage.
I am a lack of inspiration lately,
maybe that's why I've been feeling so lost.
I want to scrape down into the depths of my soul,
and find what I've been looking for all this time.
I want to hollow out the cavity where my heart is,
so that it can't make decisions for me anymore.
I want to remove my brain,
so that it can't overthink things.
I want my mind to stop,
picking apart everything anyone has ever said to me.
I want to stop going over these moments in my head,
that keep me awake at night; they make me sick.
I want to have more self control,
so I can stop, breathe, and take things in.
I want to erase my memory, so that I can forget
all of the bad things that happened in my life.
I want to swim through my past,
and re-live so many moments, re-do so many things.
I want to watch myself through the eyes of others,
so that I can see what they actually think of me.
I want everything to work.
Because I try so hard, and nothing ever goes my way.
I want to look at someone,
and believe them when they are promising me something.
I want that someone, to actually keep their promise.
I want everything to go back to the way it was,
even though I can't remember how it used to be.
I want so much more out of life,
but I will never be capable of half the things I wish to accomplish.
The train comes from around the bend.
I get on, confident,
knowing that I'm on to something better.
-written by me.