Regain Control.

No one can help get me out of this funk that I am constantly in.
My thoughts are thick with emotions, they cling to me like wet t-shirts
I'm searching for answers that can't be found in the places I am looking.
I want things to happen but I don't want to wait for them.
It's the uphill battle that sets you up for the downward spiral.
Beating to the hours of the night that turn into morning,
and then I didn't get any sleep, but that didn't bother me anymore.
There's a knock at the door, but I don't want to get up.
And I don't feel like being in the company of the people,
whom I used to crave attention from.
And sometimes I feel infinite. Like I can do anything.
But recently, those times are few and far between.
I've had ups and downs but my downs are getting lower,
and my ups aren't so high anymore.
And I keep telling myself I would rather
never to have loved at all, than to have loved and lost,
because I feel more down today, than ever before.
So far down, and I'm trying to climb my way up but I can't,
I keep slipping further and further into the depths of the unknown.
Because I don't know how to make the pain stop,
Sometimes I don't even know if I want it to stop,
because that's all I've known for a long while.
It's the uphill battle that sets you up for the downward spiral.
and then all of a sudden, the world stopped spinning.
everything came into perspective and nothing mattered anymore.
The uphill battle set me up for the downward spiral.
The downward spiral took over, and I don't know how
to regain control.
-written by me.