I'm sorry I can't just unlove you.

I can go through everything that has happened between us.
It's like one of those bad movies.
You've seen it so many times and you know all the words,
and you don't know why you watch it over and over, but you do.
Everyday I make sure to watch the "bad movie,"
so I don't forget. I don't want to forget.
And it's funny because I seem to watch,
the bad parts more than the good parts.
Each day thinking how I could have changed what happened.
You're moving on and I can tell.
But I'm stuck watching this same bad movie. all alone.
It's like one of those silent, black and white movies.
and I'm in the middle of it, watching myself screw up.
I scream but no one hears me. I cry but no one sees.
I watch us lay on my bed. And I touch your face. I can feel the warmth.
It fast fowards to when we're not a "we" anymore.
I watch myself watch you walk down the hall.
The me in the movie just stares at the unfamiliar face,
and starts to tear a little.
The real me runs up to you, stops, and stares as well.
The look on the real me is blank and confused.
I reach out and touch your face.
Your warmth is gone. Your face is unfirmiliar and cold.
I'm watching myself get my heart broken.
But there's nothing I can do.
Everything is in fast foward but our unfirmiliar faces.
I've changed for you and you've changed as well, only not for me.
You're different now, and I hate it.
I'm lost without you, and you know it. Everything is wrong.
But still, I watch myself cry.
I watch myself become more and more lost.
Everyday I watch us in the hall
Sometimes you notice me, most times you don't.
The movie me doesn't bother with anything anymore.
The real me screams louder.
"GO TALK TO HIM. TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM. GET HIM BACK"
Movie me hears this time.
Looks up and says, "give up. It's hopeless."
The real me is my heart,
Watching the bad things happen, wanting him back.
The movie me is my head,
Knowing there is no chance, gradually giving up.
But still I watch the movie.
Never letting go of the memories that mean so much to me.
"I can't unthink about you.
I can't unhear all those words, that meant so much to me.
Or unsay all the words, that i thought meant so much to you.
I wish i could unremember, all the things my heart has been through.
But i'm finding out it's impossible to do. I'm sorry I can't just unlove you."
-written by me.